Today, my dog died.
Her name was Sophie, she was about 12 years old. We had her since May of 2008. She was a mangy little Shih-tzu. She was the funniest, ugliest, cutest little dog I've ever seen. She was.
She got sick yesterday. Only yesterday. She started being sick all over the place, then came the runs. As the night grew on, they grew worse and she started loosing blood. By the time we could get her into see a vet, this morning, her circulation was shutting down. She was at her end.
So this morning, we put my little girl to sleep. And I know how much she was hurting, just by the scared look she gave me, every time I went to check on her yesterday.
It's just hard, because I didn't have enough time to grieve. I was just getting started when she left. Now I find myself bargaining after the fact. I put her in the bathroom yesterday, to contain the mess she was creating. I am so sorry I made her stay in the bathroom, alone, for her last day with us. I turned off the light and put my toothbrush, toothpaste, and floss in the kitchen, hoping she would go to sleep and get better. Now I find myself thinking, I would brush my teeth in the kitchen forever if she just got to spend more time here. I yelled at her on her last day, because she kept jumping onto the furniture I didn't want her to be on, because of the mess. She was so cold this morning, she was just trying to find some warm place to sleep yesterday. I am so sorry I yelled at her. And I can't stop thinking, I would follow her around all day, forever, cleaning up after her, if only she had stayed.
I know none of this would've made her any better, or changed anything. But that doesn't stop my mind from going there.
I just miss her so much and it hasn't even been a day. It's still fresh, but I hope that as time goes on, I don't forget her or how much I love her. And I hope there is an afterlife so that I can see her again, and I hope there is a heaven so that she's up there, looking down on us and not suffering anymore.
