Wednesday, May 19, 2010

What doesn't kill you...

Hopefully will make me stronger.

I've been going out with "New Guy" (hereby known as B) for almost a month now. I'm sorry for being that girl who counts the days and weeks, but they seem to go on forever when we're separated and instantly when we're out and about together. I can't not count them.

But in the month we've already had our ups and downs, most of them we just take in stride, except this last one that worries me the most. It's not what most people have to deal with, or so I hope.

I know I caught ringworm, I think it was from my little cousin. I had the "I have a rash." talk with B and he seemed to take it pretty well. He's a little worried about his hair (you can lose round patches or rings of hair where there's infection) and a little paranoid, but who can blame him. What worries me the most is what happens if he does catch it? I have no idea how he would react, but I have prayed (and I'm not very religious) everyday since I found out what it was, that he would take it like everything else and just deal with it. But I don't have anything concrete to base this on, besides his laid back personality. And the unknown reaction scares the crap out of me. I know that if this was too big for him, and he left, I would be wholly broken.

Friday, May 7, 2010

New Old Music

Have you ever gotten nostalgic about songs you used to love? I used to live on Gorillaz, Incubus, No Doubt, and such. But it's been forever since I listened to them (8-ish years for some). "New Guy" (I haven't decided on a nickname or initial for him yet, also see previous post) listens to the kind of music I used to listen to and I seem to have wandered my way into hip-hop and top 40, over the years. So I decided to pick up my old stuff, especially since Gorillaz has a new album. It's like I've discovered a new favorite band... again. Just when I was getting bored with my new music, I go back to the old stuff, only to find it's still awesome.

So, I've been slack...

I know I haven't posted anything for quite some time. Every time I think to post, I think of all the things I need to post and it seems overwhelming, so I don't do it.

I'll try to keep this short.

Sophie died, cause forever unknown. We got Chowder shortly after, he's a pure-bred, unpapered, black, gray, and white shih-tzu. We got him when he was about 4 months old. I got dumped/left. F or J (I forgot what we were calling him again) texted me to let him know he was going to Texas the following week and that after 2 years he didn't feel enough for me to come back. I got back into school, and I'm still surprised. I start the Administrative Specialist program at the local community college, in the fall. I met a great guy who is smart, funny, nice, geeky, and he's very cute (huge bonus!). And to top if off, he likes me back. I'm still waiting to find the catch. Because with the exception of both of us being pretty shy, and my tendency to over think absolutely everything, it feels too easy, which is a very weird feeling if you've never experienced it before. And as I'm typing this, I wonder if this is the "effortless" everybody talks about. See what I mean about over thinking?

So that brings you pretty much up to date, and it wasn't even as hard as I thought it would be.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Goodbye Sophie





Today, my dog died.

Her name was Sophie, she was about 12 years old. We had her since May of 2008. She was a mangy little Shih-tzu. She was the funniest, ugliest, cutest little dog I've ever seen. She
was.

She got sick yesterday. Only yesterday. She started being sick all over the place, then came the runs. As the night grew on, they grew worse and she started loosing blood. By the time we could get her into see a vet, this morning, her circulation was shutting down. She was at her end.

So this morning, we put my little girl to sleep. And I know how much she was hurting, just by the scared look she gave me, every time I went to check on her yesterday.

It's just hard, because I didn't have enough time to grieve. I was just getting started when she left. Now I find myself bargaining after the fact. I put her in the bathroom yesterday, to contain the mess she was creating. I am so sorry I made her stay in the bathroom, alone, for her last day with us. I turned off the light and put my toothbrush, toothpaste, and floss in the kitchen, hoping she would go to sleep and get better. Now I find myself thinking, I would brush my teeth in the kitchen forever if she just got to spend more time here. I yelled at her on her last day, because she kept jumping onto the furniture I didn't want her to be on, because of the mess. She was so cold this morning, she was just trying to find some warm place to sleep yesterday. I am so sorry I yelled at her. And I can't stop thinking, I would follow her around all day, forever, cleaning up after her, if only she had stayed.

I know none of this would've made her any better, or changed anything. But that doesn't stop my mind from going there.

I just miss her so much and it hasn't even been a day. It's still fresh, but I hope that as time goes on, I don't forget her or how much I love her. And I hope there is an afterlife so that I can see her again, and I hope there is a heaven so that she's up there, looking down on us and not suffering anymore.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Drunk Blogging

I don't have much to say right now. Only that it's 3 a.m. and I decided now was a good time to start and decorate a blog.

Not much happened today. I was going to hang out with a friend while she got her car fixed. She asked me to hang out at 4:30 a.m. after I told her I was *still* up and would probably be sleeping. But to be a nice friend I agreed. Only she never showed up. My sister said I should've called her, which didn't cross my mind at the time. I blame sleep deprivation on my lack of brain activity. I'm half glad she didn't show up, though I stayed up anyway and we went out to lunch. I slept the rest of the day, same old same old.

I still think about my boyfriend, we'll call him "J", daily. I don't know if what my feelings are for him. It's kind of complicated but not, at the same time. We're both really laid back and don't care so much about standard relationship 'rules'. Which works for me. We've been going out for a year and a half or so. With a year off in the middle. More on him later, I guess.

(for the record, I'm not actually drinking or drunk, it's just late)